I'd rather be writing.

Week 26: Embracing the 'workaholic dweeb'

New Piece News:

Last week I published an essay with

Write or Die Newsletter

about all my fears and anxieties around writing, and the inferiority complex I am trying to overcome. Please give it a read if you’d like to feel better about your own worst sides! Gratitude to the Write or Die editorial team for all their support- emotionally vulnerable pieces are made possible in part by skilled and supportive editors. Trust me, I know.

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my desk- in an alcove off of our living room (which I call my office) with a window overlooking the street.

Accepting Obsession

In On Writing, Stephen King recounts how, in interviews, he used to say that he writes “every day except for Christmas, the Fourth of July, and my birthday.” He quickly admits that this is a lie- he was trying to be clever, and he was also afraid of sounding like a ‘workaholic dweeb.’ He continues, “The truth is that when I’m writing, I write every day, workaholic dweeb or not.”

This is a great comfort to me, a workaholic dweeb.

The narrative of the unhappy workaholic woman is something I’ve been fed most of my life. Daria, a show that reigned supreme through my adolescence, features a wildly stressed-out and overworked mother who is defined by the time she spends with her mind on her job. I grew up believing that to be really into your work, as a woman, was to lose a better part of yourself.¹

What gets me stuck is this: part of the fun of my work is my obsession with it. I love being consumed by my work. A night spent alone in bed writing my way into the next day’s early hours is my idea of a very good time.

Recently I met a friend for a writing session on Zoom. We chatted for a bit, and around 12:30 discussed how long we wanted to write for. Here’s the thing, he said. I’m free until 4. He saw the spark in my eyes and quickly amended his statement- but I do not want to go until 4. We laughed and agreed to check back in at 2. We both knew, if given the opportunity, I’d write until the room got dark and the streetlights came on.

I am at my desk for, at minimum, three hours a day, every day. I aim to put down around 2,500 words, with time left over for edits, pitching, and checking emails. If I’m feeling what I’m writing, which is a lot of the time, I can clear 1,500 words in less than an hour.

Writing quickly and efficiently is a skill I honed in college and grad school when I was juggling full-time coursework with two young kids. I was scratching out essays during naps and after bedtime, and good work had to get done quickly if it was going to get done at all. I learned to write in my head while I did other things, so when I came to the page my work was mostly fleshed out, edited, the ideas nicely connected.

My habit of ‘background writing’ has stayed with me. When I’m not writing, I’m editing or daydreaming or pitching or engaging in some other writing-adjacent activity. I’m not so good with my downtime- I need to at least be thinking about my current project or I feel itchy, like I can’t settle down. At parties, out to dinner with friends, during movie nights with my kids, and especially while I’m walking Numa, my mental wheels turn ceaselessly. My phone’s notes app is a wasteland of essay ideas, snippets of paragraphs I need to move into working documents, and editor’s emails for pitch calls.

As my kids get older, they gain more independence, which means I’ve gained more free time- idle hours I’ve quickly filled with work. It’s not that I don’t want to relax- I do! I take walks, go on trips, meet friends for lunch, host dinners and board game nights and sleepovers. We travel and read and go to the movies, but writing is the backdrop to all of it.

A thought occurred to me that when my kids are grown and on their own (or, at least, responsible for their own meals and transportation and maybe, maybe housing), there won’t be anyone or anything to pull me from my writing time. I could, in theory, make a coffee-fueled bee-line for my desk each morning and fall asleep every night with a book splayed open on my face, my laptop tucked beneath my pillows. I am years from this reality, but it sounds wonderful.

I know this is not everyone’s style. I have friends who work in seasons, friends who work in 400-word chunks that come steady as a train, friends who work in frenzied weeks-long sprints before collapsing into burnout for months or years. There is no instruction manual for how to live as a working creative- we’re all feeling our way along our own paths, trying to find what suits our processes and our selves best.

Yesterday was the 182nd day of this year, which means I’m mid-way through my year writing. My aim for today was to look back on the last six months and inventory what I’ve accomplished, but I realized while writing this that the last six months have been as much about what I’ve learned as what I’ve gotten done.

I’ve learned to celebrate my hours spent writing, even if it makes me into the type of odd, obsessive person I’ve been told my whole life I should never become. I’ve also learned to lean in to my joyous obsession- I’m happier for it. As King says, “When I’m writing, it’s all the playground, and the worst three hours I spent there were still pretty damned good.”

Zoro, 10/10 assistant

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If you are interested in hard numbers around what I’ve been up to this year, here’s a quick breakdown (not of the psychological type, but, you know, give it time):

Workshops, Events, and Retreats:

• 19 writing workshops completed

• 11 readings and author talks attended

• 3 retreats attended (2 virtual, one in Tulsa!)

• 3 consults with industry professionals

Publishing and Promo:

• 43 pitches sent out

• 7 essays placed

• 28 posts on Substack (26 my own, 2 guest posts)

• 1 Podcast interview

• 1 Symposium presentation

Querying and Agenting:

• 37 queries sent out

• 11 personalized rejections (yes, I deserve a party)

• 3 full manuscript requests

• 2 pending submissions

Forthcoming:

• I contributed an essay to the Past Ten anthology, out in Spring 2025 with Cornerstone Press! (If you’ll be at AWP 2025, see you at the off sites!)

• I’ve been invited to co-edit an anthology- more to come!

• I joined the

  SmallStack
  editorial team, and I’m thrilled to help elevate underrepresented writers’ work

• I’ll be attending the Turning Points retreat in October

• I’m currently five days into

  Courtney Kocak
  ’s Summer Pitch Fest. I’ve put down 5,188 words out of the 22,000 we’re aiming to produce. It’s truly the workshop of my dreams.

I’ve also read 39 books, most of which I liked! I’ve attended art shows and parties and launches and events, made new friends, met online friends in real life, and connected with people I haven’t seen since the Before Cancer times. I keep a weekly email check-in going with a close writer friend, and I meet other writer friends on Zoom throughout the week for writing meetups and check-ins.

It’s hard not to look at all of this and think, but I still don’t have an agent. It’s challenging to feel satisfied with all I’ve done and still accept that I may not achieve what I set out to do. There is a lesson in all of this about being flexible with goal-setting and learning to adjust midway through, and one day I’ll learn it!

Over the last six months, I’ve felt everything from hopeful and motivated to despairing and like nothing is ever going to work out. When I’m really feeling low, I phone a friend or get a tattoo. Overall, though, what I’ve felt is gratitude- gratitude that I have the time to pursue something I love (even if that time has a limit) and gratitude for the people in my life who support me and push me to keep going day after day after day.

No one pushes me to seek out joy more than these two.

1. I want to clarify that work and labor are two different things here- writing is my work, but it never feels like labor. I am not suggesting people dedicate themselves to unfulfilling labor. That is a different conversation.